– ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but Julia is a strange name for a male stork.’

– ‘What! Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not my name! That’s the name of the baby I supposedly brought to this family. Don’t you know anything? My name is Sepp. And what sort of a bird are you anyway? I thought that all the wooden birds around here were storks.’

– ‘God, sorry Sepp! I’m Seamus and I’m a seagull. From Ireland. Long story, don’t ask… Sorry, we don’t have wooden storks in Ireland, so I’m not too clued in on how this all works.’

– ‘Ah. I see. OK, here in Austria, when a new baby is born, family and friends bring wooden storks like me to the baby’s home and stick us up in the garden or on a balcony or somewhere. A while later – after they’ve had time to catch their breaths – the new parents throw a party and take us storks down again. We can sometimes end up standing here for a very long time though, I can tell you!’

– ‘Haha, I bet!

– ‘But it’s not so bad. These days, there are plenty of other storks to chat to because bringing storks has become so popular. The new record round here is seventeen!

– ‘What? You’re kidding me. Seventeen storks for one baby?’

– ‘Yeah, it’s mad. But at least it means that we have plenty of company so we don’t get too bored while we are waiting for the party.’

– ‘And what happens to you after the party, Sepp?’

– ‘I’m not too sure, to be honest. I’m hoping that I’ll be recycled. And I hope I get a boy next time. It can get a bit annoying, being called Julia all the time. No offence, Seamus.’

– ‘Sorry!’

– ‘Ah, don’t worry, I’m getting used to it. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to the party. Austrians love celebrations and the … sorry, I don’t know what to call it in English … Gaudi.’

– ‘There is no word for it in English if you ask me. In Ireland, we call it craic.’

– ‘I see. So, if you don’t have wooden storks in Ireland, what do they do over there when babies are born?’

– ‘Panic! No, only joking. I’m sure they celebrate too. I’ve heard the expression ‘wetting the baby’s head’, and knowing the Irish as I do, alcohol is probably involved somewhere along the way so there’s bound to be plenty of craic… I mean, Gaudi.’

– ‘Do you have any other wooden seagull friends, Seamus? Perhaps you could start a new trend in Ireland with wooden seagulls bringing babies and wetting their heads or whatever?’

– ‘Good idea, Sepp! Hang on, though. I think seagulls have a reputation for wetting people’s heads in another way… No, I don’t think they’d go for it after all…’

– ‘Why not?’

– ‘Never mind.’