This is frustrating! The local gull gals are doing their best to chat me up, but I can’t get to grips with their Croatian accent. You’d swear there was a tax on vowels down here. Nice looking chicks though, and they seem to be quite taken with me. Apart from my dashing good looks, I think that part of the attraction must be the sexy French accent I acquired during all those years in the Dordogne.

I’ve just had a horrible thought. I’d better not spend too much time in Austria or I’ll end up sounding like Arnold Schwarzenegger Seagull. Must keep on the move!

The Wingless Wonders have gone off for a stroll into Vrsar, so I’ve been able to slip off and do a bit of exploring of my own. But not before I had a poke around the caravan. Ha! I just found their drinks cabinet. Not bad.

Humans have a seriously strong nesting instinct. You wouldn’t believe some of the set-ups I’ve seen around the campsite. Some caravans have fully equipped kitchens set up in the awnings, with wooden flooring and kitchen cabinets, fridge freezers… I even saw one with a full size cooker and a dishwasher. In another set-up they had a miniature washing machine in a separate tent. The prize goes to the one with the beer tap, complete with cooling system and 50 litre keg. That particular family is very popular. They appear to have a steady stream of visitors – day and night.

But it doesn’t stop there. The gardens! Flower beds, fences, hanging baskets, bonsai trees, gravelled pathways, solar lighting and garden gnomes… there’s no end to the trouble that some humans will go to in order to feel at home. One pitch I saw boasted about two dozen gnomes. My favourite, however, was the one with the inflatable palm tree.

We seagulls lead a much simpler life than you lot. Our nests are very basic, no need for any fancy trimmings.

Between you and me though, I’d give my right wing for an inflatable palm tree.